her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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