One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
