peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
