her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think your dad took our porno
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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