My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
