My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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