hotel room ftw
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
