Wat do u mean how?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone