sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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