i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.