you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.