she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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