the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
