hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
