booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
