oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
