I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
