haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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