Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
