I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
