There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize