Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
