All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
