i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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