drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
