Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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