It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
