His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
