hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just had sex on a roof
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
