i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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