ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
