Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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