everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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