Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
