I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
