He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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