some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
