Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
