i need an iv and a liver transplant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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