I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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