First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
