do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You may now shotgun with the bride
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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