this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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