babies were throwing up all over the place
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
