Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize