I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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