When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
