found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
