Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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