i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
