My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
