if i can run in heels then i can drive
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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