Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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