Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
