He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Say something about gay babies.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
