What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
