If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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