Do you still have your period?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
