you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
nutella sex= disaster
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
