so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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