I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
