I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
