Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
