Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
is it fun? or sober?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
