They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
