So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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