just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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