im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
